As I walked down the steps, I was on my phone saying something witty and charming like: ‘Well, he’s just a gormless twat, isn’t he?’
There was a lad sitting on the bottom step with his arm in a sling. As I got level with him, his girlfriend turned up. The lad took out a little bouquet of flowers from his sling and gave it to her.
‘That’s it then, he can fuck off,’ I said into the phone.
The girl smiled at the flowers but the romance of the gesture was marred by an inconsiderate loudmouth on a mobile.